This last week...

"MUPPETS! I'm dealing with $%#^ing muppets here!"

"Well there's only one sensible thing to do now...freeze these six loaves of bread and then club each other with them"

(posted in a store) "If it's in stock, we've got it!"

"Do you have loaded dice?"
"You mean like sex dice?"
"No these have nothing to do with sex, they're dice with weights in them so you can cheat at gambling"
"Oh...Have you tried the sex shop?"

"It's Yahweh or the Highway around these parts"

"How the devil did you manage that?"
"Tea...lots of tea..."
"That's it?"
"Well there were biscuits as well"