Mmmm.....sweet, delicious ink....

Instructions on a bottle of ink "Don,t Drink"


Girl: Yeah, but how would I ever get to dress up pretty on a regular basis?
Guy: Simple - you follow me for a while


It was a fun night, I mean right up to the point where he got corporeally possessed by demons things were really going well.


Florist: So a spring-bouquet today?
Guy: Actually I was looking for an I'm-terribly-sorry-to-my-dear-female-friend-for-not-being-there-last-night-bouqet
Florist: *sigh* it's fools like you that keep me in business


Bartender: Another pint of Guiness
Patron: No I'm sorry, I've got to wuss out for a bit - just give me a pint of ale instead.


Sometimes I think life would be easier if less of the documents I write needed a cover page informing the reader that the contents are to be kept secret and that I will be denying the existance of that document.