Grooming like a man

It's finally been clinically proven that making young boys use girly soaps and shampoos can literally make them grow breasts, (Yahoo News Link, New England Journal of Medicine Summary). This is nature's subtle way of saying that sented soaps are for girls and only for girls - if some guy wants to start smelling like a girl then God's going to make him start looking like one too.

Men are supposed to wash themselves with hot water and soap so harsh that it peels off tattoos. Shaving soap isn't supposed to be scented with flowers, it's supposed to be a big white lump that smells slightly frightening. Of course this lump isn't foamy, so that's where shaving brushes come in - badger hair is best, and optimally you should club the badger yourself (although I still haven't been able to figure out if I can actually get a permit for badger clubbing). We're not supposed to shave with 6 bladed vibrating abomonations of technology; I've been using my straight razor for quite some time now, it's like a big knife but ridiculously sharper. Little nick on your jugular from shaving or badger hunting? Use a stypic pencil, sure its more painful than rubbing salt on a wound, but you're a man right?

Guys, just remember to make your grooming routine as dangerous and unpleasant as possible and things will be okay; the girls will take care of scented soaps and bubbly foams.



Cheers,